We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
