I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
