YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Randomize
