I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
