i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
