Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
