i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
