Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
