Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
