well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
