my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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