My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
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This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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