Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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