We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
