Screwed.edu
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
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