nut hugger
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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