i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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