Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
