I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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