just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
