She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I deserve this hangover.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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