If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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