ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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