You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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