you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
