Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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