is your mom at the bar?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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