I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Green mimosas i think yes
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
