what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
