i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
