I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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