We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
