This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
