saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
