he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
