listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
