I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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