How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
