a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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