So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
