just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
