my phone needs a breathalizer
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
