Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
