What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
