All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
