Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize