i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
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