I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
