i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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