So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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