there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
