So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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