hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
