I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
