Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
