My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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