CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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