He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
3pm strippers are depressing
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
