I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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