my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
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He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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