What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
