im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
