She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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