Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
