So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
