I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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