Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
zippers are such a cool invention
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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