soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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