after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
