The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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