Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
What drink are we having for lunch?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
