New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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