goodnight i made you a song goodbye
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
