We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
