I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
